The real conflict isn't about the boys; it's about the disproportionate distribution of caregiving chores
The fact that the husband will be there too doesn't mean his labor is equal. I suppose it isn't equal when it's only their kids either, but at least there are fewer people to care for.
The woman in this story anticipates her vacation experience becoming about remembering schedules, organizing meals, handling meltdowns, cleaning after the kids, and organizing herself around everyone's needs, while her husband gets to sit back, relax, and enjoy the view.
The ex offering to pay for everything is completely beside the point. She could literally give her extra money if she wants, but the labor and the emotional exhaustion won't be worth it. What I do think is relevant is that she places a boundary only for the other two kids from the other woman's previous marriage. I think that is less about labor and more about who she really considers part of the family and who she doesn't, even subconsciously.
What's happening to this woman is normal and understandable, but when we are trying to blend a big family, we have to know that situations like these might come up. I'm not saying she should stop complaining and go on vacation. I definitely think labor division should be equal, but there is something to be thought about in relation to those two kids.
Wouldn't it be a little unfair if they went without them? Maybe not; I don't know, but that should definitely be handled by the husband who doesn't seem very hands-on.
I guess it's fair to say that if talking doesn't work, cancelling the vacation and using the money for something else is a much better option than going on vacation to get stressed and exhausted. Do whatever it takes to relax! You deserve it!
