Nothing beats summer in NYC — even if the AC breaks

Ready? Summer is clocking in

It’s summertime and the living is — easy?

The ticks are growing. The in-laws are arriving, kids are playing and air-conditioning is breaking.

The parents tanning, burgers cooking, ice cream melting, coleslaw congealing.

Visitors overstaying, friends overnighting, guests remaining, doctors vacationing.

Dogs barking, babysitters quitting, staff demanding, cats meowing.

Sun shining, then rain threatening. It’s costs rising and contractors charging.

Dieters are cheating, mosquitoes visiting, behinds widening, brokers renting.

The pool drying. The husband hunting and the wife watching, with the boyfriend circling.

Sunburns are hurting. Cars overheating and boobs uncovering with fat cells shaking.

Traffic jamming, while summer theater’s hamming.

Infants crying, grandmas sighing, golfers lying. The houseguests bitching. The lovers ditching.

The pies baking. The makeup caking. The gardener raking. The cheaters quaking.

Roses blooming, grass growing, soon fall looming and takeout booming.

Bikers biking, runners running, hikers trekking and your skin’s frying.

Seniors kvetching. Potato salad warming, phones going missing.

Jewelers selling, houses changing hands, cityfolk arriving, drugstores closing. Shops opening. Shops closing. Real-estate agents conning.

Eaters grabbing. Boozers drinking, lawyers watching, Zero Crapdammy conning and spitting.

Mahjong games starting. Rental rates rising and late-night comics sulking.

Franks are grilling, tax guys billing, burgers are filling, the costs are chilling.

Bicycles bashing, motorcycles crashing, roller skaters dashing.

Marshmallows toasted, chicken legs roasted, gym trainers boasted.

Drive-in movies sitting in your car (unless the car’s old which means you don’t go).

Buses are jammed, highways crammed, politicians damned and Mrs. Biden — about whom nobody cares — is getting her roots done.

Picnics, loud music, collecting clam shells, group games, visiting whocares art museums, attending charity luncheons, going in jeans to fashion shows, attending any luncheon even if the main dish is Oreos.

I could add more, but I’m hungry and the fact is I desperately need to go for a sandwich — so we’ll talk again Monday.

B’way’s ‘Giant’ nite

One outstanding feature of summer? Tony Awards this Sunday and NY1’s Broadway guru Frank DiLella — who kvetches all about the Great White Way going back to even before Katharine Cornell’s mother was pregnant — predictions: Best Revival Play winner? “Death of a Salesman.” Best New Musical: “Schmigadoon.” Rebirth and who cares whatever they’re doing, the favorites are always Nathan Lane (“Salesman”) and John Lithgow (“Giant”) in anything they’re in.