I’ve started spending more time on Threads, which is great because I really needed another app to check right after closing all the other ones. There are funny people over there, though, and that’s why I’m into it.

My favorite posts are often the dumbest ones. Years of doing stand-up, and my sense of humor still hasn’t developed any standards.

These funny Threads posts were some of my favorites this week. Hopefully you enjoy them too, because I’d hate to think all that scrolling was just me avoiding doing any writing myself.

1.

Charcuterie board with Ruffles Cheddar chips, banana, lollipop, and a small block of cheese.via threads.com

2.

Getting older is realizing 'we got food at home' was financial advice.via threads.com

3.

Dog swimming in the ocean with a caption about oil change.via threads.com

4.

Skeleton sitting on a toilet with a dog beside it, sign says 'He Ate The Lettuce'.via threads.com

5.

Colorful veggie train made from vegetables and a toy train on a kitchen counter.via threads.com

6.

Liquid Death goodwipes sCREAM SODA butt wipes package on store shelf.via threads.com

7.

Sign on wooden furniture reads "I'm really old, Please don't touch me.".via threads.com

8.

Orca whale toy on creek bed with rocks and water in Ohio.via threads.com

9.

'So what kind of soups are you into lately?'.via threads.com

10.

Elevator control panel with up and down buttons on a textured wall.via threads.com

11.

Kids today may never understand that we used to go months without talking or thinking about the pres.via threads.com

12.

A scene from the Star Wars universe with alien characters in an office setting.via threads.com

13.

Instagram post by dadmann_walking about Reese's pumpkins and protein intake.via threads.com

14.

A hand holding a can of Progresso vegetarian vegetable soup in a car parking lot.via threads.com

15.

Nathalie Jantonia recounts waiting for Arnold Schwarzenegger and his reaction.via threads.com

16.

Rainbow light pattern on the hallway wall with sunlight and shadow.via threads.com

17.

Screenshot of a Gmail conversation with a reply saying 'Ugh.'.via threads.com

18.

Person's social media post about buying a house for $400,000.via threads.com

19.

Photo of a hand holding a NATO phonetic alphabet chart above a keyboard.via threads.com

20.

Trader Joe's pumpkin spice will crack your ass if you let them.via threads.com

21.

Social media post asking if anyone needs an Ed Hardy crockpot at Ross.via threads.com

22.

Don't even THINK about taking Skyrizi if you're allergic to Skyrizi ya heard.via threads.com

23.

Night view of a veterinary hospital with illuminated sign reading 'VETERINARY HOSPITAL'.via threads.com

24.

A social media post about a father's death and cremains, mentioning his firefighting job.via threads.com

25.

Instagram post by hercozycrew questioning where to keep 12 ft skeletons after Halloween.via threads.com

26.

A social media post by aeonthrash saying, 'That data center could have been a Spirit Halloween'.via threads.com

27.

Pete Hegseth is a human Cybertruck.via threads.com

28.

The dumbest person you know thinks they can homeschool their kid.via threads.com

29.

Putting 1 bay leaf in the hot tub.via threads.com

30.

Women after describing the most traumatic shit you've ever heard.via threads.com

31.

I really miss the days when I had no idea what a Pete Hegseth was.via threads.com

32.

Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for the laundry? Welcome to the chair.via threads.com

33.

If you attended church from 99-2016, you may be entitled to a settlement.via threads.com

34.

Homeownership is just unlocking increasingly niche knowledge against your will.via threads.com

35.

Middle-aged woman in 90s forest green Eddie Bauer edition Ford Explorer.via threads.com

36.

roll your window down and tell a man he looks like shit.via threads.com