NIXON: Do you ever urinate outdoors, Bob?
HALDEMAN: I’m sorry, sir?
NIXON: No . . . what I meant was . . . have you heard that new song?
HALDEMAN: Which one, sir?
NIXON: “Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl)”? Surely you’ve heard it.
HALDEMAN: I have, yes, Mr. President.
NIXON: She serves the sailors whiskey and wine—just marvellous.
HALDEMAN: It’s a wonderful song.
Rustling sounds as Haldeman stands to refill his coffee.
NIXON: Man to man, Bob, I hope your wife appreciates your figure as much as this nation does.
HALDEMAN: Oh . . . um . . . thank you, sir.
NIXON: What a blessing to have pert buttocks.
HALDEMAN: Indeed.
NIXON: Is it just me or have Kissinger’s bums got huge? Bums like pillows. That will do for today, Bob.
“Asses, asses, asses, asses.” So said Charles de Gaulle as he walked behind his troops through the streets of Paris after the Liberation, in 1945—except he said it in French. “This nation owes its freedom and its future to the taut, firm buttocks of its brave young men. Let us go forward on your behinds!”
During the Egyptian President Anwar Sadat’s historic visit to Jerusalem in 1977, he asked to meet with the former Israeli Prime Minister Golda Meir. Sources who were there that day say the two shook hands, before Meir welcomed Sadat in his native Arabic. Looking at his backside, she then whispered, “That’s quite a tuchus.” Sadat smiled, confused. Meir pointed to his behind, and said, “Apparently the Pyramids aren’t the only things made of stone. Hey, let’s call it the Middle East piece.” They laughed and laughed but didn’t keep in touch after that. ♦
