Jose Mourinho back to Real Madrid: Hiring old coach as a new Carlo Ancelotti shows Florentino Perez's delusion

"If you're going to get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'll just have to stop doing stupid things."

That's the ineffable wisdom of Homer Simpson. But Florentino Perez would have been as well saying something similar at his peculiar press conference this week, another bizarre event that — even by the standards of Real Madrid's eternal psychodrama — continued a bizarre period.

Ever since he swept into office for his first term as Madrid president in 2000 on the back of a promise to audaciously swipe Luis Figo from Barcelona, launching his Galacticos project, Perez has been the embodiment of everything his club represents. When Real Madrid are not functioning, it reflects badly on him.

Los Blancos will finish 2025/26 trophyless. Perez oversaw the appointment of Xabi Alonso as Carlo Ancelotti's successor. One of the most sought-after head coaches in Europe and a former Santiago Bernabeu crowd favourite, Alonso lasted half a season, leaving by mutual consent having had his fill of the nonsense.

MORE: Xabi Alonso sacking highlights Real Madrid's unsolvable manager problem

Alvaro Arbeloa took the reins and, presented with a man who was never likely to be a long-term incumbent, squad discipline and harmony have disintegrated entirely. Recent weeks have seen Federico Valverde sidelined by a head injury from a training-ground fracas with Aurelien Tchouameni, and Kylian Mbappe subjected to boos from Madridistas and a fan poll in the millions demanding he be sold.

Kylian Mbappe has claimed he was told he has become the fourth choice striker at Real Madrid by current head coach, Alvaro Arbeloa ⚪️ pic.twitter.com/aN9VrxBKPB

Mbappe was Perez's latest statement signing in the summer of 2024. He has 85 goals in 101 Madrid appearances, the net result of which appears to be everyone hating him. Really great, normal stuff.

"Good afternoon. I regret to inform you that I'm not going to resign," Perez began this week, channelling Leonardo Di Caprio's Jordan Belfort in The Wolf of Wall Street. "I'm not here to talk about sporting issues." If only he had been. The sporting issues are, unquestionably, tricky right now. But that would have been preferable to the rantings and ramblings of a mad king.

"They're going to have to shoot me, because I have the support of all Madrid's members," Perez said. "I'm going to finish the bad people."

It all sounds like the perfect situation to plonk Jose Mourinho into, in rather the same way that an arsonist might be the perfect new manager of a match factory.

MORE: Real Madrid rehiring of Jose Mourinho, explained

Why do Real Madrid want Jose Mourinho to return?

One of the sporting issues Perez neglected to address as he fixed his gaze upon enemies, both real and imagined, were the mounting rumours that Mourinho will return to Madrid, after 13 years away, to tend to unfinished business.

Should this move come to pass, it would be a symbol of a club and a president that simply cannot help themselves. Mourinho clearly ticks enough of the requisite boxes for Perez to overlook the obvious issues with which he is very familiar.

"If Barcelona didn't exist, we'd have to invent them," Perez once famously said. It's a lovely quip, but it's also a guiding principle. Spain's big two are each as bad as one another, always measuring themselves against one another. The best thing Real Madrid can be is the anti-Barcelona. There is no one who feels overtly more anti-Barcelona than Mourinho.

Initially taken to Camp Nou as head coach Bobby Robson's interpreter in the mid-1990s, Mourinho graduated to the coaching staff and learned the Barcelona model, the positional play doctrine inspired by Johan Cruyff. But he never really belonged, something that was confirmed to him when Barca plumped for their rookie B team coach Pep Guardiola ahead of Mourinho in 2008. 

Guardiola's Barcelona were a team that defined the early 21st century, but they were brought down by a "Mourinho masterclass" in the 2010 Champions League semifinals against Inter Milan. Jose lapped it up, celebrating on the field at a baying Camp Nou. His Inter defeated Bayern Munich in the final at the Bernabeu. It was almost too perfect a narrative arc.

And so, later in 2010, came 'The Special One' — a Galactico head coach for his Galactico president. Madrid and Barca's rivalry became more brutal and poisonous than at any other time in the modern era. Guardiola's side won La Liga and the Champions League in 2010/11, losing the Copa del Rey final to Los Blancos. In 2011/12, Madrid won the title with 100 points and Guardiola stood down.

Why wouldn't Madrid want this guy back? Why hasn't it happened already? 

Why did Jose Mourinho leave Real Madrid?

Mourinho signed a four-year contract running until 2016 after the title win. A year later, with three seasons left to run on the deal, Perez announced his coach would leave by mutual consent. Unseating that great Barcelona side took a severe mental and physical toll on the Madrid squad. Senior players Iker Casillas and Sergio Ramos turned on Mourinho, something that has seemed to shape the rest of his career.

At Chelsea, Mourinho led a dressing room featuring the likes of John Terry and Frank Lampard with a 'band of brothers' feel. Marco Matterazzi wept in Mourinho's arms when he left Inter. This was a tactician who could persuade players to run through a wall for him; ever since his Madrid reign collapsed, Mourinho has seemed like a man who would rather throw players headfirst into the brickwork. He has struggled to trust and love the footballers he manages to the same extent.

It feels fair to say he does not even try to. His return to Chelsea and stint at Manchester United were defined by loudly calling out star players in public. Since then, he has spent almost a decade away from the A-list. It would be, frankly, absurd to introduce this version of Mourinho to a star-studded Madrid dressing room apparently hacking lumps out of one another.

Ancelotti replaced Mourinho in 2013/14 and won the Champions League, something his predecessor did not manage in the Spanish capital. The Italian tactician's reputation as a soothsayer and a smoother of egos only grew as he picked up the big trophy twice more in 2022 and 2024 during his second stint.

Having a playing squad that mainly needs to be told they're wonderful and cajoled into playing well, without too many taxing tactical demands, is a ludicrous way to build a modern football club. But that's who Madrid are right now; that's what Perez — in all his bluster — has built. Ancelotti was a perfect fit, even if his team was never able to play the sort of sophisticated, dominant football that the very best teams of the era have.

Mourinho promises none of that. He is more than a decade removed from being at the tactical cutting edge and shows no inclination to soothe a generation of footballers he appears to hold in contempt. The manner in which he dealt with Vinicius Junior alleging racist abuse when his Benfica played Madrid this year would normally disqualify him from the running.

But Madrid and their president aren't normal. The fact that Mourinho is anti-Barca and famous is enough for Perez. It should be his last roll of the dice.