11 hours ago
2
DEAR ABBY: I’ve known “Bianca” since high school. She’s my neighbor and godmother to my son. I consider her a sister, and we travel and spend holidays together. Our families get along well.
A month ago, my body started aching all over. I have been feeling sick, and my doctor is trying to figure out what’s wrong with me.
One day, Bianca and I ran into each other, and I told her I was feeling really sick. She replied, “Stop saying that. Sick, sick, sick. No! Better to say that you are in pain but not sick!” (It was an order.)
Abby, Bianca’s comment took me aback. I told her I can’t complain to my loved ones all the time and I thought I could share with her. She told me she gets worried every time I do it. I complained to her only a couple of times in a three-week period. I’m so sad.
Bianca is my best friend. We talk on the phone, but not as often as we used to. I know she realized immediately that she had hurt me, but she didn’t apologize.
Every time I think about it, I get an empty feeling in my stomach. I’m not holding a grudge, but now I’m more careful about what I say.
When she asks about my health, I change the subject. What are your thoughts on this? — CENSORED IN ECUADOR
DEAR CENSORED: I am trying to decide if your friend Bianca may be so empathetic that when you mention your physical pain she experiences it, too, or whether she’s just plain insensitive.
Whatever the cause of her inability to listen to you discuss your symptoms, if you want this friendship to last, you are going to have to accept that she isn’t up to the challenge and find another outlet.
Consider asking your physician for a referral to a doctor who specializes in chronic pain.
DEAR ABBY: I have been at the same job for 20-plus years and have accrued a lot of vacation days. I don’t often take a week or two at a time; I’ll take a day off here and there.
My neighbors can’t get their heads around this and ask me repeatedly, “Don’t you work every day? Do you have Fridays off? Why aren’t you at work?”
It frosts me because they’re implying I’m doing something wrong and think my schedule and life are their business.
Most of the old-timers have left the complex since I moved in, but a few busybodies remain. They appear to suffer from “group think” and have a tendency to interfere. (One management company dropped us because they interfered so much.)
It goes right over their heads that they might be bothering folks with questions like this. I’m now using the fire stairs and taking different routes to avoid encountering some of them. Any advice? — THIRD DEGREE IN MINNESOTA
DEAR THIRD DEGREE: Could some of those “old-timers” suffer from cognitive impairment, which is why they persist in asking these questions?
If you are not interested in answering any question you regard as intrusive, change the subject, ignore the question and keep walking.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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