Alcatraz might be making a comeback — good luck getting out

Prepping Rock solid alibis

Comes mutterings about San Francisco’s tough prison Alcatraz coming back. The famous “Rock,” as the impregnable jail was called, is an island in tough surrounding water making escapes near impossible.

Foot specialist Dr. Rock Positano knows this Rock. He remembers his Yankee friend Joe DiMaggio telling a story about it:

There was a baseball diamond. Inmates played ballgames. One day Joe explained there existed an unusual field rule that when an inmate hit a ball which flew over the fence into the water, it was not a home run. Instead, it was ruled an out!

Since this was an institution where the world’s most notorious farewell dinner was called “Mafia Chicken” — served face down in a shallow gravy — and the chef was the best in the business with no bones left, he let the cons know that if they figured they could escape by going to save that ball, they’d have less of a chance surviving than the Titanic passengers.

A career in steady hands

Ex dancer Ellen Sirot is a hand model. And hand model teacher. She started with a parts model agency.

“It’s be careful around knives and boiling water. Gloves in the sun. Moisturize. Fingers need be long. I’ve done aspirin, Tylenol, pharmaceuticals, baby stuff, billboards, Citibank, Apple, Estée Lauder.

“I call myself the Jennifer Aniston of hands.

“Do only light, like a ballerina or queen’s type, delicate handshake. Wear dishwashing-type gloves. Moisturize. Sunscreen if outside in sun. It’s same as your faith. Help them into longevity. Instead of a handshake, try a fist bump.

“Sometimes a star’s doing a magazine closeup. Washing dishes, checking bathroom closet, sprinkling the cheese. Wearing gloves. Hand near the face. So I’ll crouch behind and become her hand in the same shot. That’s harder. Fine-tune things. Hit marks carefully. Like strawberries don’t always go where they should. Or glass isn’t set right.

“Then moisturize. Sunscreen if going outside. Inside, wear gloves, Spandex.”

We did not shake hands saying bye-bye.

Scenes to be seen & heard

Trained seals in expensive clothes — nodding sagely — will be network commentators for the cardinals’ conclave. Norah O’Donnell for CBS, with Tony Dokoupil from Rome’s Vatican City.

And coming in June, it’s Tonys with Cynthia Erivo hosting, I tell you again, it will be extended love for original star and creator Cole Escola’s “Oh, Mary!”

If looking for big-screen Marvel movie about dysfunctional heads, first it was Harrison Ford with “Captain America: Brave New World,” and now it’s Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Florence Pugh. Ask them what’s it about. Nobody else can figure it out.

Pugh: “Look, ‘Thunderbolts’ is generating its own noise and thunder. But it’s not superheroes being superheroes. It’s antiheroes going through crap.”

Great review. And for this deep thought we need places like Harvard?!

And overheard in the halls of a proctologist’s office: “Listen, take it easy, this is no party for me either.”

Also, with so many arrivals wanting apartments here, be it known that: When the listings show your unmade bed, it might be time to look for a hotel.

Could be only in New York, kids, only in New York.