7 hours ago
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Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now?
It’s the question on everyone’s lips, thanks to Chanté Joseph’s British Vogue article, where she digs into the fact than women are posting their partners on social media less than ever before.
The article claims that we have gone from a culture obsessed with the boyfriend status symbol — with names in Instagram bios and carousels dedicated to loved-up pictures — to, if they’re lucky, a man’s elbow being featured in a story that expires in 24 hours.
“To me, it feels like the result of women wanting to straddle two worlds: one where they can receive the social benefits of having a partner, but also not appear so boyfriend-obsessed that they come across as quite culturally loser-ish,” Ms. Joseph wrote.
It delves into this idea that women want to be seen as more than just their relationship while also protecting it from people who are desperate to interfere, or worse, that horrifying moment of having to hide your Instagram photos together because you’ve broken up.
It also tries to break through the, frankly, heteronormative idea that to be happy, you must be in a relationship.
The article also talks about how being single is now a flex (and yes, sometimes it is because I have no one to answer to but myself, but my god, is the single tax real).
At (almost) 30 with a relationship status that leans more “single” and “it’s complicated” than taken and surrounded by friends in long-term relationships, I can’t lie. The article piqued my interest. I know so many incredible women, and my ultimate pet peeve is when absolute icons dull their sparkle to suit their relationship.
There is obviously nothing wrong with being in love — and being proud of it — but I have always maintained the importance of having a life and personality outside of the person you’re making out with.
To me personally, all this article indicates is that there is a shift in a romantic relationship being the ultimate status symbol. Platonic connections, family, career, hobbies, and hitting financial milestones are now in the mix. Therefore, being single does not make you incomplete.
The article has sparked much debate online with brilliant, hilarious single women celebrating being unbound from this idea that their lives are sad because they don’t have a man.
Shameless Media’s Ruby Hall posted a TikTok dancing to Taylor Swift’s The Fate of Ophelia with the caption: “Apparently it’s chic to be single now.”
Fellow TikTok user Lydia posted a clip of herself waving and blowing kisses to George Michael’s Father Figure.
“Thank you, British Vogue, for making all the girlies that have been single their entire lives feel very powerful right now. A well-deserved win for us,” Lydia said.
Meanwhile, Lulu Davidson, a PR, posted a similar clip to the Mamma Mia movie version of The Winner Takes it All.
“How it feels to be single after British Vogue declared that having a boyfriend is embarrassing. I’m always ahead of the trends,” she said.
Abby Baffoe, who has 1.3 million followers, shared a video of herself also celebrating the news while dressed up to the nines.
“British Vogue is coming out and declaring that having a boyfriend is embarrassing. What a time to be alive and single ladies,” she said.
Dating expert Sera Bozza said that having a boyfriend wasn’t embarrassing — but being dependent on a relationship for your identity was, in fact, embarrassing.
“I think [the article is] less about women rejecting men and more about women rejecting dependency. For decades, being “someone’s girlfriend” was treated like a personality,” she told news.com.au.
“Now we’re swinging the other way, building entire online identities that say, I choose me. That’s progress, but it can also tip into performance.”
She said it’s residue from what influencer Tinx called “boyfriend sickness” — when your friend gets into a relationship and disappears. Now, it’s also shifted to the online world.
Ms. Bozza said there was definitely a shift to celebrating being single, but there was a big difference between “I’m single because I’m growing” and “I’m single because men suck”, with only the first being an empowering move.
“The real flex isn’t being single or taken. It’s being secure either way,” she said.
However, the dating guru raised an interesting point about why we feel this way — is it boredom with boyfriend content or is it something “darker”?
“When women get unfollowed for posting their partners or mocked for being happy, it’s not just boredom with ‘boyfriend content’. The internet loves a collective villain, and lately that villain is the woman who’s too happy, too partnered, too content,” she said.
“‘Boyfriends are out of style’ sounds like a joke, but it implies that women who find good men are somehow betraying the rest.
“That’s the crab-in-a-bucket effect: if one crab tries to climb out, the others pull it back down. The message is, ‘Don’t rise above the collective disappointment’.
“I get the fatigue with performative couple culture, the highlight reels, the matching captions, but punishing people for being in healthy relationships is just another form of self-sabotage.”
She also expressed concerns that this is going too far the other way, and it would be seen as “cringe” to care or share that we have found love.
“We act like love is cringe, but what’s actually cringe is pretending we’re above wanting it,” she said.
“If seeing a woman in love makes you roll your eyes, that’s not about her. That’s about your discomfort with what you’ve stopped believing in.”
Overall, she did say that it was important to have a life outside of your partner and that both people need their own identity, routine, and friends. She said a healthy relationship should look like a Venn diagram.
“Two full circles that overlap, not two halves trying to complete each other. You need your own identity, routines, and friends, as well as that beautiful overlap in the middle, or you end up orbiting someone else’s life,” she said.
“Independence doesn’t threaten connection; it protects it. People who maintain their own sense of self tend to have stronger, more sustainable relationships.”
English (US)