What I Imagine William Shakespeare Thought Every Time He Rewrote the Same Scene Over and Over Again

It is widely believed (by me, just now) that William Shakespeare revised his plays constantly, fueled by ambition, self-doubt, and whatever they drank instead of coffee back then. Based on that and vibes alone, here is what he probably thought each time he tweaked the same scene again.

1. Ah! A fresh draft. This one shall be perfect and require no further changes.

2. What if the line were slightly sadder?

3. What if it were also a little funny?

4. Can something be tragic and funny? I shall invent this.

5. “To be, or not to be”—hmm. Feels wordy. Perhaps just “To be”?

6. No, no, no. Put the rest back. It was good. It was fine.

7. Actually, what if he says it while holding a skull?

8. Where would he get the skull?

9. I will simply give him one. The audience will not question it.

10. I am a genius.

11. Wait. What if the skull has a name?

12. Everyone loves it when objects have names.

13. Yorick. Yes. That feels right.

14. I should write that down.

15. I did not write that down.

16. Back to the top. “To be, or not to be”—still excellent.

17. Perhaps he could say it faster.

18. Or slower. Much slower. Painfully slow.

19. I will write “(pause)” in the script and let the actor figure it out.

20. The actor will absolutely ignore that.

21. Why do I even include directions?

22. Maybe I should act in my own plays.

23. No, that sounds exhausting.

24. I am already tired from all this thinking.

25. Halfway through revisions, and I have improved everything and also nothing.

26. Is this even good?

27. What is “good” anyway?

28. What is “is”?

29. I am spiraling.

30. Focus. Add a ghost.

31. Every story improves with a ghost.

32. The ghost should be his father.

33. This is now deeply emotional.

34. I am a genius again.

35. Wait—does the ghost talk too much?

36. Maybe less ghost?

37. No. More ghost.

38. The perfect amount of ghost is unclear.

39. I will simply commit and refuse to revisit this decision.

40. I am revisiting the decision.

41. Perhaps I should start a different play.

42. Something lighter. A comedy.

43. With misunderstandings!

44. And disguises!

45. And also, somehow, still a little sadness.

46. I cannot escape myself.

47. Back to the skull.

48. The skull is strong. The skull endures.

49. I have no idea if any of this works.

50. Whatever. I’ll just hand it in and let future centuries decide.

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