The perils of raising a teen in LA — and competing with social media

Raising a teen in LA today feels like walking on a tightrope daily — while juggling a machete, a knife, a loaded revolver, and a chainsaw.

But it turns out that the old-fashioned advice is still the best of all.

It’s tough. We, as teens, didn’t have didn’t have social media to talk to friends.

Nor did we have DoorDash to deliver food, or ChatGPT to do our homework for us (or to translate what we were saying so that an adult could understand it).

It’s all too easy for them now. Teens today don’t seem to want to work for anything. Some just ask their social media followers to Venmo them for a coffee, or a new pair of shoes. Why earn a driver’s permit, when you can take a Waymo?

And don’t ask them to converse in real time, or in real life (IRL); it just creates panic. 

If I need a response from my teen, I have to send a text, even in the same room, because of her headphones. Today’s kids evidently need music or podcasts to function.

They don’t have newspaper routes, lawn-mowing or babysitting jobs. If they have an entreprenurial streak, they set up nail businesses or throw parties in abandoned homes and charge their peers to show up.

The Kardashians taught them that they can build an empire with a sex tape. Sadly, they think OnlyFans is their future, because everything is about instant gratification and entitlement. 

They cringe at the thought of pregnancy or parenting, because they can clearly see how much work it is. Where does this leave the parents? (Without grandchildren, most likely.)

Social media seems to have more influence than parents. For single moms, it’s even worse, because we have to play bad cop, with no father figure reprimanding teenagers for disrespecting Mom.

Trust me: The longer you keep your kid away from having a phone or social media, the better his or her self-esteem and image are likely to be. Now social media seems to far outweigh any education or advice, or even church, that we hope might influence our children. 

LA is an especially challenging place to raise a teenager because many families are very rich. Some kids are dropped off for school in limos, and many have their own credit cards. They seemingly have endless allowances.

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Sadly, access to a lot of time and money ends up meaning a lot of drugs. Instead of the beers, joints, and cigarettes our youth, it’s now carts, vapes, and ketamine.  

We have to keep them away from drugs, and to remind them to be careful about everything they say in text messages or photos, because the wrong kind of exposure can ruin their reputation and self-esteem.

All of this means that parents have to think outside the box. If we don’t limit social media, screens and their phones, they certainly won’t. 

Sports can help with that, especially because they involve body movement (without a screen) and create team spirit.

However, some kids just aren’t sporty. More STEM-oriented kids might prefer nerding out on tech or science. But that also likely requires more screen time.

That leaves the artsy types and the bookworms. In theory, they are easier to entertain. When I find my child reading a book or drawing, it makes my heart soar.

But we’ve lost local bookstores, and the only retailers that survive are high-end stores. Each child needs at least $50 to leave the house. And AI might make art and literature obsolete anyway.

Still, old lessons are still valid. I believe we have to give teenagers a chance to make their own mistakes — and to build true confidence by being responsible, diligent, and hard-working.

We can’t be fixers. We can’t offer advice or solutions. We just have to be present, listen, and empathize without judgment or feedback (unless they ask for it).

Teenagers are narcissists by nature. It feels harsh, but it’s designed that way, so we are OK when they flee the coop.  

What we can do: Teach them about money and saving for their retirement. Teach them that kindness and respect towards all others is paramount.

Teach them the skills of everyday living: to do laundry, sew a button, make a bed, shop in a grocery store, cook a meal, and clean up.

We can require a daily chore. Your teen can empty the trash or the dishwasher, walk the dog, clean the cat box.

Help your teen do something selfless, daily, for someone — anyone. 

You aren’t being demanding. You are helping them function in the real world. 

If you have a teen or know one, I wish you luck and love.

Trust me — when kids turn 20, they become human again, and can hopefully offer good to the world.

Liz Angeles is a massage therapist and the mother of a teenager in Santa Monica.