A woman at a dinner table puts her head in her hands

Image shown for illustrative purposes; person depicted is a model.


A woman at a dinner table puts her head in her hands

Am I in the wrong for telling my brother he can't bring his new girlfriend to our family dinner because she refuses to eat around people who eat meat?

My family hosts a traditional Sunday dinner every month. We are not big meat-eaters, but there is usually a mix of dish options including fish, beef, and salads. My brother (26M) started dating his new girlfriend "Clara" two months ago. She is a strict vegan, which none of us have an issue with my mom even offered to make separate vegan dishes specifically for her.

However, my brother called me yesterday to say that Clara will only come if the entire dinner is strictly 100% vegan, claiming that sitting at a table where people are consuming animal products. triggers her and makes her feel sick. When I told him that asking 8 people to change their meal plan for one guest who we've never met is unreasonable, he got furious.

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He accused my family of being "unwelcoming and unsupportive of his relationship" and said we are forcing him to choose between us and her. I told him he was being ridiculous and that if she can't tolerate being around other people's food choices, they should just skip this dinner.

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I'm all for avoiding meat when you can, if you're the kind of person who can. Personally, I save most meat for very special occasions. It's pretty easy for me to avoid on a daily basis, and it fits into my worldview and my lifestyle to do so. But I would never judge somebody else for eating meat. It's a huge part of most cultures, and it happens to be delicious a lot of the time. We all have different ways of eating, and that's okay. And if someone is coming over for dinner, I am more than happy to accommodate their needs. I don't mind making a separate meal for someone else if it makes them happy and safe. That's what you do for the people you love. But the woman in this story wasn't just asking for her needs to be met; she was asking for everyone else to come over to her side. In my opinion, vegans like this ruin it for the good vegans. There are plenty of plant-based folk who are reasonable, normal people who don't mind existing in regular society. The people who go overboard about it make everyone else seem crazy. I understand if you're a vegan who doesn't like watching people eat meat, but that doesn't mean you can force everyone else to go vegan too. You have to find a way to exist in community without making everyone hate you. That's what this woman was struggling to do, and her boyfriend was trying to defend her. Keep reading to find out more. 

Now my brother is refusing to speak to me, and my mom thinks I should have just agreed to a vegan menu to "keep the peace." AITA?

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Commenters gave their opinions on this story.

vivikush NTA. She's going to have to figure that stout eventually because the world around her is not meat free.

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Jerry_Potters She's the one forcing him to choose, actually. She's saying she won't go unless everyone obeys her. NTA.

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A woman looks upset at a dinner table with her arms up

Scene is illustrative and does not depict actual individuals or events.


A woman looks upset at a dinner table with her arms up

Zeus 0173 NTA Watch out for your brother being alienated from family though.

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Resident-Condition-2 NTA. Vegans like this woman are insufferable. They believe everyone has to cater to them no matter what and are the ones that everyone complains about. Stand your ground. 8 people shouldn't have to change their eating habits to cater to one person.

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LadyLixerwyfe She's one of THOSE vegans. This should be fun for all involved.

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marugirl His girlfriend is the one who is forcing him to choose by laying down her ridiculous ultimatum. NTA

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rasalscan No one is forcing her to change her diet, but she is trying to force eight strangers to change theirs. Tell your brother to make it make sense. Also, does she refuse to go to any non vegan restaurants? Because if so, bro is going to have to significantly change his own diet!

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H1B3F If you all give in now and he marries her, every single family meal is going to have to be completely vegan. Because if you did it the one time, before you even knew her, you can obviously change every family and

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holiday meal for her now that she is family. I hope you all are ready for her to decide whether you can have a pepperoni pizza on your birthday, if you have a family dinner. Don't do it.

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