Romans used poop as medicine, new study confirms: ‘Dark brown flakes’ discovered in medicinal vial

Do as the Romans doo?

It’s not just plumbing that the ancient Italians pioneered. Turkish scientists have found a 1,900-year-old Roman vial that could provide the first concrete evidence of human poop being used for medicinal purposes, per an odiferous study published in the Journal of Archaeological Science.

According to the study, the pharmaceutical manure was used to treat inflammation and infection, and could’ve been teamed with thyme to obscure the smell — like a fecal Febreeze.

The researchers wrote that the findings “contribute critical empirical support for the pharmacological use of excrement in antiquity” that, up until now, had only existed in ancient text.

Study author Cenker Atila, an archaeologist at Sivas Cumhuriyet University in Turkey told Livescience happened upon the unguentarium — a small glass bottle used to hold perfume or medicine — with “brown flakes” while “working in the storage rooms of the Bergama Museum.”

The excremental tincture had been reportedly originated from a tomb in the ancient city of Pergamon in western Turkey — a medical mecca in the second and third centuries.

Despite its crappy contents, the vial didn’t give off a “bad smell” when opened, per Atila. The researcher said it had been “overlooked” while in storage and, in accordance, decided to give it a thorough examination.

The team extracted the dark brown residue and analyzed it via gas chromatography-mass spectrometry, a lab technique that separates complex mixtures and then identifies the constituents from their unique molecular fingerprints.

They found several biomarkers that strongly suggest the vessel had originally contained fecal matter. And while the provenance of the poop is unclear, they believed it was human based on the ratio of oprostanol to 24-ethylcoprostanol — compounds found in the digestive tracts of mammals that metabolize cholesterol.

Also present in the contents was carvacrol, an aromatic organic compound in chemical concoctions from specific herbs.

Atila said that this particular sample contained “human feces mixed with thyme,” which closely mirrored prescriptions referenced in medical literature from antiquity, Arkeonews reported.

In accordance, the vial housed “the first direct chemical evidence for the medicinal use of fecal matter in Greco-Roman antiquity,” the researchers wrote.”

This unorthodox remedy was apparently nothing to turn one’s nose up at. Physicians prescribed this poo-nacea as a remedy for various ailments, including infection, inflammation, and reproductive afflictions.

By cross-referencing the sample with “ancient textual sources,” the team was able to ID this discordant-seeming combo as a chemical cocktail employed by Roman physician and anatomist Galen.

This so-called King Midas of manure put Pergamon on the map due to his trailblazing methods that would inform Western pharmacology for centuries to come.

As for dung-based remedies, Galen espoused the medical benefits of a child who had consumed legumes, bread and wine, effectively turning crap into pharmaceutical gold.

However, physicians recommended suppressing the smell with aromatic herbs and other olfactory chasers to ensure patient compliance.

By referring to the treasure trove of supporting medical text, scientists were able to confirm that the waste matter had not been stored by chance, but was a purposefully-prepped poo-based remedy whose odor was meticulously masked.

“These findings closely align with formulations described by Galen and other classical authors, suggesting that such remedies were materially enacted, not merely textually theorized,” the scientists declared.

Coincidentally, poop-based remedies aren’t restricted to antiquity.

UK researchers went viral over the summer after testing whether poop pills can immunize patients against antibiotic‐resistant bacteria hiding in their guts.