Parents stunned by sick truth behind beloved nursery rhyme: ‘Childhood shattered’

Apparently, this baker made a killing — and now, it’s killing sweet childhood memories. 

Sinister rumors about the beloved cheery nursery rhyme “The Muffin Man” are being whisked around on social media, leaving a bad taste in slack-jawed mouths worldwide. 

“Which nursery rhyme is about murderer?,” began UK-based content creator, @NotMrSpock_Fact, in a trending TikTok tell-all. “The one you’re probably thinking of is ‘The Muffin Man.’”

Yes, according to urban legend, the kindly confectioner of Drury Lane — who got an unforgettably hilarious shout-out from the Gingerbread Man during the interrogation scene in “Shrek” — was a kiddie killer. 

In the viral vid, which has scared up over 1.1 million views, the TikTokker explains that the true identity of the Muffin Man is said to be Fredrick Thomas Linwood, a serial slaughterer who allegedly killed a slew of children in the 1500s. 

“He was a baker,” said the social media whistleblower, “So, his method of doing to was tying bits of string around a beautiful, tasty muffin and drawing the children in with it before he killed them.”

It’s stomach-churning scuttlebutt with a possible ring of truth. 

A muffin master-chef did, in fact, live on Drury Lane in London’s West End, per the London Museum. The storied breadwinner sold inexpensive baked goods to the disenfranchised folks of the then-raggedy neighborhood.  

“It was a very poor area and had a terrible reputation,” claim the experts. “Many people went there to drink, gamble and sometimes even commit crimes.“

And while it’s unclear whether our once-beloved Muffin Man partook in any murderous depravity, growing suspicions of his unsavory sins are causing social media audiences to spiral. 

Online outrage surrounding the sweets slinger is eerily similar to the fallout that ensued after Jane, a separate TikTok bubble-buster, unveiled the truth about the iconic “It’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man is snoring,” nursery rhyme. 

“Do you know what it means?” questioned the smiley blonde in a popular post. 

“The old man liked a good drink,” she said. “‘It’s raining, it’s pouring,’ refers to the alcoholic drinks being poured very liberally — like it’s raining cocktails and shots.”

And as if that shocking revelation wasn’t sobering enough, a tribe of Spanish-to-English translators recently shattered the hearts of millennials everywhere by decoding the lyrics of ‘90s dance hit, the “Macarena.”

“It’s the cheater’s theme song,” groaned a disenchanted detractor, after learning that the buzzy ditty openly promotes adultery. 

Muffin Man fans are, too, now lamenting over his distasteful lore.  

“Wow that really freaked me out fact,” confessed a creeped-out commenter. 

“And we sing this to our kid,” said an equally stunned onlooker. 

“My childhood shattered,” moaned another. 

“I love how dark our childhood nursery rhymes,” another teased. “Guess it explains why I like true crime.”

A few foodies, however, cheekily admitted that they actually wouldn’t mind enduring death by muffin. 

“The muffin man would 100% draw me in with that method,” joked a treat-seeker. “Even as an adult.”