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Stop, in the name of love.
NYC’s digital dating-weary singles are increasingly leaning on Big Apple bars to help them facilitate conversations with strangers — there’s a reason why every watering hole from the West Village to Williamsburg seems to suddenly be hosting “love science experiments” or handing out “intention bracelets” at the door.
But this sharp increase in demand for matchmaking assistance is far from a sure-fire financial win for already-pressed businesses across the city — with owners claiming that profiting from loneliness is actually a lot harder than it looks.
Your average speed-dating event run by a third-party promoter may have satisfied the market before — but those don’t always do well for venues, which struggle to get the right mix of people in and don’t deliver much of a bump to their bottom lines, operators say.
Even newer, trendy events like Pitch-a-Friend, where singles sit through PowerPoint elevator pitches from their friends about why they’re dateable, or Lectures on Tap, which bring in professors and experts to give a presentation lesson on a specific niche topic, hoping these conversations will lead to something romantic, can be a risky proposition for a bar.
Logistics like gender ratios, drink purchases and financial deals with third-party event planners mean a lot of trial and error for bars and breweries trying to score in the singles market.
Christopher Connors is the marketing director for Sound & Fury Brewing in downtown Brooklyn — which jumped into the fray by bringing in a Pitch-a-Friend event, but margins were thin.
Third-party planners handled the marketing and set-up, but in the end, the event was too stationary and people weren’t buying rounds.
Connors then took matters into his own hands by planning an event called “Love Taps” — rebranding the brewery for the night as “Sound and Flirty.”
Patrons were assigned numbers while Connors and drag queen Prima co-hosted in lab coats as “love scientists.” They ran experiments — odd numbers talking to even numbers, appointing certain numbers as “wingmen”, etc.
Even with great feedback, the 30 women and 6 men were an unideal ratio.
Connors described the vibe as “incredibly beautiful, fun women” paired with “guys that would not usually go out.”
The ladies were blunt — urging him to bring in more men next time.
“In NYC, there’s an obligation for women to be willing to step out and take the initiative to do things, whereas with men there’s a hyper-masculine thinking of ‘I don’t need to go to a singles night, I can find a date anywhere,’” Connors told The Post.
To beat the curse, Connors is now keeping a running spreadsheet with eligible bachelors determined to fill the gap with “great men” for the next event. He keeps their name and phone number ready for personal invitations.
“I think that we have to market to … men in the city, and society in general — that going to a singles event doesn’t make them desperate and shouldn’t hurt their egos,” Connors said — adding that he spoke with other bars and third-party event planners and they agreed.
“People say the apps are ‘so hard’ — and yeah, they [do] suck,” Connors said. “When it started out, everyone said [they were] so great to have at your fingertips. Now, the dopamine hit comes from matching with someone — so you don’t even feel bad not responding to them, since you don’t know them as a real person.”
“The person who figures out how to crack the issue with men will make [a lot of money],” Connors told The Post. “Men drink considerably more.”
“Men — why don’t you get it? We’re trying to help you,” he joked.
Meanwhile, over in the West Village, Houston Hall is testing out every niche group to see what sticks — run clubs, Jewish and Catholic singles groups and line dancing.
Owner Jeremy Merrin told The Post he’s cycled through countless third-party partners; many of them wound up being one-offs.
Met by Nick, The Shaka Club LLC, GRID Dating, Jigsaw and Lox Club — to name just a few of the roving events currently popular around town — delivered “mixed success” for the venue, he said.
“Some are more profitable than others,” Merrin explained. “We took a loss on some and then didn’t continue.”
The Lunge Run Club became a regular partner and comes on Wednesday evenings after their 5k. The bar also does Trivia Tuesdays.
Houston Hall did find success with Lectures on Tap — the 45-minute presentations from experts and professors brought in a fresh new crop of faces.
For Merrin, that was a win. Even if the event itself might not be a moneymaker, he said, bringing in a selective group like that winds up being good for the bar — with some of these unexpected patrons potentially becoming regulars.
Also, he said, sometimes, working with a third party comes with perks. For example, Houston Hall’s trivia partner does so much promo for the event that the venue gets double the usual foot traffic.
Sarah Ladder of “What if We NYC” is sensitive to the concerns some bars have about the benefits of bringing in a third party.
For her “intention-based community events” promoting platonic and romantic love, Ladder told The Post selects local neighborhood gems rather than massive event spaces — helping drive business to these venues on slower days.
Ladder launched the venture to combat expensive and exclusive singles’ events and the monetization of loneliness. “People are monetizing the loneliness coming out of the constant swiping and the situationships and I didn’t want to contribute to that,” Ladder told The Post.
Her sex-positive events feature an “intention bracelet” system where guests choose between love, lust, or being open to both.
“When people check in, we tell them it’s okay to take the ‘just looking for lust’ bracelet,” Ladder said. “Not everyone is ready to jump into the love of their life and that should be accepted in society at this point.”
Ladder told The Post that everyone wants a meet-cute, but are scared to approach a stranger, not knowing if they are already in a relationship or what they are interested in.
“One of the few good things that comes from dating apps is that it desensitized us to flirting,” Ladder told The Post. “It’s just easier to tell who’s genuine and who’s behind the profile at events.”
Specific go-to spots include Spicy Moon in Bowery (a vegan restaurant with a basement speakeasy), Leo’s Famous in Murray Hill and Friends and Lovers in Brooklyn, where they recently hosted a community prom.
Refusing to contribute to the high costs of dating app paywalls or expensive mixers, all her events are priced under $25, with those over $20 including a free drink. Ladder also tells her Instagram followers to message her if they cannot afford the fee.
“I’m in this because I know how hard it is to be single in the city and not know where to start to meet people,” she said. “Money is not one of the reasons I got in this for.”
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