Meghan Markle’s jam and flower sprinkles are finally here — and so is her inauthenticity

Dude, it’s just a jar of jam.

Pardon — fruit spread, as Meghan Markle is now forced by the FDA to call it.

But the Duchess of Sussex, who debuted her line of nine As Ever products on Wednesday morning, believes she is selling a magical portal to Montecito, where she lives in a $14 million property.

That $14 raspberry concoction is “presented in keepsake packaging that you can repurpose to tuck away love notes or special treasures, and to remember this pivotal moment with me. Think of it as our time capsule,” Markle wrote in her newsletter.

Not, as you might think on first glance, an overpriced, factory-produced jar of fruit spread plus the “keepsake” box it came in. (The perfect place to hide our mounting bills.)

Many brands have boxes that can be repurposed. It’s understood — rather than touted as an added value, or a sentimental one at that. But Markle is living on a higher plane, and her lil’ pearls of wisdom are helping us slobs understand how the other half lives: They recycle jars. (Meghan suggests putting pencils or flowers in empty As Ever containers.)

It reminds me of the scene in “Airplane” when Elaine (Julie Hagerty) joins the Peace Corps and teaches a remote African tribe about the many uses of Tupperware.

Markle truly seems to think she’s teaching us something revolutionary or so useful that it will change our lives — or just bring “joy,” a word she abuses with impunity.

Dubbed “a curated collection by Meghan, Duchess of Sussex,” each As Ever offering — three teas, honey, the fruit spread, crepe and cookie mixes, and something called “flower sprinkles” — is accompanied by a ridiculous treacly description.

As for her edible flower sprinkles: “This addition epitomizes the idea of ‘surprise and delight,’ beautifying any dish, and taking it from mundane to magical.”

Priced at $15, those almost immediately sold out — suggesting we will be inundated with a whole bunch of annoying (or maybe hilarious) TikToks this weekend.

But even as Markle is sprinkling wonder, an ugly news cycle is swirling around her husband over his alleged “harassment and bullying” of Dr. Sophie Chandauka, the Zimbabwean lawyer who heads up his Sentebale charity.

Chandauka has accused Prince Harry, who has stepped down from the organization he co-founded in memory of Princess Diana, of “misogynoir” — prejudice against or contempt of black women.

The irony is rich.

After all, the Sussexes famously lobbed bombshell allegations of racism against the royal family in their now infamous 2021 whinge-fest with Oprah.

They built their Sussex brand on virtue signal after virtue signal — all those feel-good expressions that garner clout from the celebrities and activist types from whom the couple crave approval.

In 2022, they were given an RFK Ripple of Hope award for their work on fighting racial justice. On their Netflix docu-series “Harry and Meghan,” Markle boasted about Beyoncé texting her that she was “selected to break generational curses.”

Now, in 2025, the “With Love, Meghan” star is breaking open Trader Joe’s Pretzel Nuggets to transfer from one plastic bag to another.

The couple pledged to go “carbon net zero by 2030” and said they were only going to have two children because overpopulation hurts the planet.

But Markle is now a capitalist, and I’m guessing those As Ever products won’t be delivered by Monty the Montecito donkey. How many trees had to die for her time capsules?

Funny how the Sussexes’ preaching receded as their ideas fell flat and victimhood dropped out of fashion.

In an interview with the New York Times that also dropped Wednesday — in which Markle is patted on the head for being “quick with a lemon zester and deft with a knife” — she allowed a reporter into her and Harry’s home on the condition that no photographs were allowed of their sacred hearth.

With much of her life still behind closed doors, Markle is telling us she no longer wants to impose a morality. Only a gilded lifestyle.