How Many University Vice-Chancellors Does It Take to Screw in a Lightbulb?

ANSWER: Ten.

One Vice-Chancellor for Administration and Finance to commission a feasibility study.

One Vice-Chancellor for Institutional Effectiveness to assess the impact of the increased lumens on university accreditation.

One Vice-Chancellor for Strategic Planning to align the lightbulb replacement with at least three objectives in the University Mission Statement.

One Vice-Chancellor for Sustainability to determine whether to use a high-efficiency fluorescent or an LED bulb.

One Vice-Chancellor for Student Athletics to explore possible Name, Image, and Likeness deals with General Electric before finalizing any lightbulb actions.

One Vice-Chancellor for Student Excellence to consult with the Dean of Students about potential red flags raised by the use of the term "screw.”

One Vice-Chancellor for Development to organize an alum reception and a fundraising campaign to honor the screwing in of the lightbulb.

One Vice-Chancellor for Second-Guessing Small Purchases to ask for three competitive quotes for lightbulbs from approved state vendors after receiving the feasibility study.

One Vice-Chancellor for Keeping an Eye on the Chancellor’s Cousin Jimmy, who will assign Jimmy to the feasibility study to keep him off the streets. Jimmy’s been through a lot lately, and this could be good for him.

One Vice-Chancellor for Fiscal Austerity will review the jobs of the other vice-chancellors to determine that, in the current economic environment, the best option is to work in the dark.