Embattled Thomas Tuchel must hope England saviour Harry Kane isn't out of miracles

*Record scratch*

*Freeze frame*

"Yep, that's me, Declan Rice — Arsenal's best midfielder playing at right-back in a World Cup knockout match. You're probably wondering how I got here."

After 70 minutes of England's Round of 32 match against DR Congo in Atlanta, Thomas Tuchel's wantonly bizarre squad selections contorted in on themselves so much that he actually ended up in a good place.

The Three Lions were 1-0 down and Djed Spence, starting on the right of the defence for the first time in the tournament, was having a bit of a nightmare. He was one of the players culpable for Brian Cipenga's opening goal and never really recovered.

MORE: England vs. DR Congo, as it happened

Ever-injury-prone first-choice Reece James was, well, injured. As was Jarell Quansah, who started the win over Panama at right-back despite playing at center-back for Bayer Leverkusen all season. Tino Livramento, a wonderfully gifted full-back with a fitness record akin to James', withdrew from the squad before the tournament and was replaced by Trevoh Chalobah, who is not a right-back. Ben White is, but he's also injured. Trent Alexander-Arnold isn't injured, but it seems Tuchel would sooner stroll about his technical area stark naked than pick Real Madrid's former Liverpool star who once declared his aim to be the first right-back to win the Ballon d'Or.

And so, with 20 minutes to avert World Cup humiliation, Rice, the midfielder who drove Arsenal to Premier League glory, was shunted to the right-hand side of a perilously rickety back four. Then, England finally started playing vaguely well.

Rice's Gunners colleague Eberechi Eze started knitting things together with a little finesse in midfield, a player willing to take possession and bring the match to his tempo. Kobbie Mainoo can do that, too, but appears to have been brought along to improve his knowledge of internal flights in the United States. The Manchester United youngster has not got close to seeing any action on the field. Phil Foden and Cole Palmer can also do it a little bit, with an added goal threat. As can Adam Wharton. But none of them were picked at all.

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Alongside Eze was Jude Bellingham, who had played most of the game subsumed by a seething red mist. But, after a raiding Rice and Anthony Gordon combined for Kane's equaliser, Bellingham found space in the inside-left position that Rice likes to occupy and collected Elliot Anderson's most incisive pass of the afternoon. The inspired Lionel Mpasi denied Bellingham for a third time in the match, and Gordon astutely picked up the pieces.

But it would have meant zilch without captain Kane. The Bayern Munich striker controlled Gordon's pass with his left foot, touched it into space with his right and then launched a brutal, scything finish high into the net. It was a clutch moment and a piece of indisputable world-class quality from the leader of a team that usually falls short of those pretentious.

When England was in question, "Sir Harry Kane" became the answer pic.twitter.com/Syj5Hh0pVQ

Tuchel now finds himself in a bind. You simply cannot leave out so many good players — we haven't even mentioned the haphazard defence that Harry Maguire, Luke Shaw and Lewis Hall are watching from their sofas — and have your team play so poorly for three matches, while lacking adequate specialist cover in a 26-man squad.

The irony is that this is the squad Tuchel built for Kane at the peak of his powers. Right now, it looks a bit like the supercar that Homer Simpson built for his estranged half-brother, which duly bankrupted him. It'll be harvested for parts at the Azteca against Mexico in the next round unless things improve drastically. Dibs on the horn.

Tuchel wanted to avoid the muddle that was England at Euro 2024. They somehow reached the final under Gareth Southgate, but with the likes of Foden and Bellingham often operating in the space where Kane thrives and without attacking wingers getting beyond the No. 9.

The German tactician wanted pace, physicality and a team machine-engineered for Kane on the back of his 61-goal season at Bayern. He has five more at this World Cup, but both goals against DR Congo came in spite of what Tuchel has built, not because of it.

France boss Didier Deschamps is not afraid to have a ludicrously talent-packed bench. Instead of backing himself to come through difficult conversations with Alexander-Arnold, Foden, Palmer, Morgan Gibbs-White and others, while maintaining squad harmony, Tuchel has picked players like Spence and Noni Madueke and hung them out to dry. At this point, it looks like he included Jordan Henderson for morale and Chalobah for the quality of not being Trent Alexander-Arnold.

The midfield has looked stodgy. Bellingham and Rice are both phenomenal players but have too many of the same gears. Still, playing them at the start of the tournament alongside the Manchester City-bound Anderson — who was majestic during qualification — made enough sense, as has every star omission in isolation. Add them all together, and you have a squad where the collective level is lower than it ever needed to be.

But among elite players grasping for their best form and non-elite players trying their very best, Tuchel has Kane: a thoroughbred, one of England's best ever players, who will drag this strange iteration of his national team as far as he possibly can.