‘Cats’ star Betty Buckley is back on the stage for a one-woman show

‘Cats’ star purrs onto new set

My old friend Betty Buckley. She’s starred in “Cats,” 101 other things and soon in her own solo Joe’s Pub show. So, Betty, tell us about your first Tony.

“I walked to the stage. In shock. An out-of-body experience. My sequin dress was just below my knees,” Betty told me. “I remember thinking, ‘God, I hope my hose don’t run.’ Then, ‘Oh, God, I have to go up the stairs.’ The presenter helped me up and then it was, ‘Oh, hope I don’t say the wrong thing.’ I thanked my parents, my brother Norman and my twin brothers, Pat and Mike, but I couldn’t remember their names. So I said, ‘I also wanna thank my other brothers.’ Every time we get together they go, ‘Oh, hi. We’re just the other brothers, so don’t mind us.’

“I’ve screwed up onstage. During a long run you reach this point where you don’t know who you are anymore. You’re just trying to stay conscious through eight shows a week in a year and a half run. I meditate before I go on and focus, remember where I am, what I’m supposed to do.

“My first Broadway show, ‘1776,’ the musical. I was 21, just came to town that day and called my agent to say I was there. He said, ‘You have an audition in 15 minutes. Take your music, get a cab and go.’ Didn’t even know what I was auditioning for. Eleven people sitting behind this table and they said, ‘Where are you from?’ I said, Fort Worth, Texas. Oh, but I’ve had my years of struggle, too.”

Any keepsakes or things you’ve stolen from shows?

“Patti LuPone does it better than I do. But I’ve walked out with my dance boots, dance shoes. I’ve got a collection.”

What happens today with pains in the ass in the audience?

“Take the Signature Theatre on 42nd Street. Horton Foote’s daughter Hallie was also in the play, and this guy put his cellphone on the edge of the stage. Horton just walked over and kicked it off. That was genius.

“And once this phone was ringing like in the third row, and we’re sitting at the edge of the stage for this duet. We stopped and I said, ‘Is that for me?’ The lady was embarrassed, turned her phone off and the audience went nuts. They thought it was hilarious.

“At Joe’s Pub, we have three nights. Starting Friday, April 24, then, Saturday, Sunday. Two shows a night — first one’s 7 p.m. and 9:30 p.m.” I tell Betty that’s my birthday.

“We’ll sing happy birthday to you. We’ll give you a proper celebration, Miss Cindy. Fun if you can make it.”

Deposing of a few names

Down with kings. Fie on Kings. Stop kingdoms. Screw that title. Updated names should be: 

King Kong, now Bernie Sanders Kong.

Kings Highway, how about Diddy’s Highway. 

King Cole Bar becomes Crapdammy’s Places Point. 

Kings County, renamed after Queen Latifah’s grandpa.

King Crab becomes Prince Crab. 

Burger King — who cares, no one eats there anyway.

Athletically driven

Forget Tiger the car crasher. How about Miles Davis getting pulled over when cops thought his own Ferrari was stolen in California. It’s the transportation choice around Beverly Hills — also the Hamptons. Aventura Motors in Southampton has a 1978 Ferrari 512 BB — whatever that is. One of 929 carbureted examples made between 1976 and 1981 — whatever that means. Red, of course. And, of course, $315,000. Plus, what you have to tip valets to keep it from being stolen. And I know what that means — Uber’s cheaper.

Sign on a church in Portland, Ore., last week: “Come this Sunday. Avoid the Easter rush.”

Only in Portland, kids, only in Portland.