Best of the Babylon Bee: President Xi boasts that China ‘would never rig an election’ after winning with 100 percent of vote

Every week, The Post will bring you our picks of the best one-liners and stories from satirical site the Babylon Bee to take the edge off Hump Day. Want more of a chuckle? Be sure to click the links.

“My support for free and fair elections is so strong that everyone votes for me every single time,” Jingping explained. READ MORE

At publishing time, Hutchins had asked that all neighbors please form one line to offer an apology and another line to beg for toilet paper. READ MORE

The lesbians were currently being held awaiting extradition to the UK, where it’s presumed that they would later be set free if they confess to being Muslims. READ MORE

“Moderate voters are overrated,” she said. “Real change only happens when we embrace both hope and the complete annihilation of this imperialist nightmare we call the United States.” READ MORE