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12 hours ago
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Every once in a while, AskReddit asks a question, and I immediately realize I’ve been following guy code without ever signing up. Someone asked men to share the unwritten rules they all live by, and as I scrolled, I kept thinking, yeah… that’s definitely guy code. None of it is macho nonsense, just quiet, unspoken rules most guys pick up over time.
It’s the kind of guy code you follow without ever talking about it, because talking about it would make it weird. By the end, it felt like confirmation that I’ve been obeying a guy code rulebook this whole time without ever seeing the cover.
1.
When walking upstairs behind a woman, the stairs instantly become the most interesting thing. “Hmmm, these stairs are really made out of stairs huh”
2.
A big bag of soil, dry dog food, or rice must be slapped. Tongs for BBQ must be clicked 2-3 times before using them.
3.
Beer and pizza/BBQ is acceptable payment for helping another man work on his house or vehicle.
4.
Whenever your friend is cooking on the bbq, you have to stand next to him and talk about how amazing this food is gonna be
5.
Don’t throw a friend under the bus to impress someone. Ever.
6.
If a bathroom has 5 urinals, it only has 3 urinals.
7.
When you’re strapping down a strap, you must say “that’s not going anywhere” or you will lose everything on the trailer
8.
When your friend’s crush is around, he is the funniest in the group
9.
The best test of a friendship is when you defended someone in their absence and vice-versa.
10.
*up nod* What’s up? *down nod* you have my respect *right nod* we need to chat *left nod* come check this out.
11.
If a friend buys you a drink you don’t pay it back you just buy the next round
12. A grunt and a nod is an entirely acceptable conversation.
13.
Don’t “jokingly” put down your friends whenever a girl is around just so you can seem like some kinda alphachat, especially if they like the girl
14.
Never make eye contact with another man whilst eating a banana.
15.
Never touch another man’s fries.
16.
Don’t hit a man in the balls. Just don’t.
17.
If your boys’ sister is in trouble, protect her like your own.
18.
It’s is essential that we pee away the small bit of “you know what” on the side of the toilet bowl.
19.
For those that live with women: No matter what you are going to the grocery store for, just buy toilet paper.
20.
Don’t be scared to give compliments, we keep them in our “permanent memory” area.
21.
When our balls stick to our thigh we have to take a big step to unstick them
22.
Don’t poke fun at the way a man makes his income.
23.
You can have a beer. But not if it’s the last one. Don’t roast a man in front of their kid.
24.
If you are holding a stud finder, first thing you do is hold it to your chest and making a beeping noise.
25.
I’m gonna add another urinal rule. While you’re peeing you’re allowed to fart uninhibited without acknowledgement and we won’t say anything. But, once you’ve zipped up and head to the sink, that window has closed. You can still fart but, you can’t just act like it didn’t happen.
Nate writes for Pleated-Jeans and enjoys finding the internet’s funniest corners so you don’t have to.
English (US)